Mobile Wars: Who Has the Balls?

Remember where you were just a kid at the amusement park jumping into the big pit of musty plastic balls? Well, now you can relive that same fun-for-a-few-minutes-than-gross sensation during most any primetime commercial break, courtesy of the mobile phone carrier wars reaching a new height in laziness.

It started out well enough.

There’s no doubt Verizon’s “A better network as explained by ______” series was devised to tackle the age-old challenge of demonstrating superiority in an otherwise homogenous services industry.

Where ______ has been:

• a door
• an hourglass
• an abnormally large basketball hoop
• an expensive egg
• a high school 'it' couple (the BEST, IMO)
• Star Wars (...wait, what? WHY?!)

All were called upon to help make tangible the argued benefits of the Verizon network.

And then they got the balls…

Simple enough, right? The demonstration is easy to follow; the message is clear, but also, a first in the campaign to illustrate the shortcomings of rivals by comparison. Who’s gonna stand for that?

And so Sprint got the balls…

And then T-Mobile got the balls…

Not one, but TWO spots! (ONE during the Super Bowl, guest starring Steve Harvey!)

 

Sorry, AT&T doesn’t have any.

…At least at the time of publishing, but who wants blue balls anyways!? (Wink face)

Here’s Why it Doesn’t Work.

Look, the spot fits as part of the overall “Better Network as Explained by …” series. It’s a simple premise that works as part of a whole, a single chapter in a larger story.

But as the rebuttals by rivals start to stack up, the impact of each gets diluted.

Who can remember which company is claiming what based on which independent study of what sample pool, etc. anyways?!

Don’t hold us captive to a public splitting of hairs within the construct of a competitor’s campaign!

Advertising budgets are small. Why blow them on direct responses to your category leader? Your negation of Verizon’s claims should ENTERTAIN us! (Ok, the T-Mobile spot with Steve Harvey comes close. It’s self-deprecating and timely, but our minds shift to the Miss Universe flub and we forget why you’re so great).

Fine, if you simply must “set the record straight”, do it in your own style!

Kick Verizon IN the balls and cut a different comparison that feels on brand!

When you respond direct and use the same format, you are letting Verizon set the terms and parameters of the conversation. Mock the simplicity of their latest series, question their intentions behind “simplifying” mobile.

You’re all already advertising everywhere, at least look different and tell different stories.

Sprint’s Simply Unlimited Plan + iPhone 6 Ad: Brilliant or Bogus?

Is it bad that the first time I saw this ad I wasn’t sure if it was for or against Apple’s latest?

Maybe it’s the over-characterization of a stereotypical gaggle of clueless girlfriends screaming that put the authenticity of the ad in question.

Me, mouth hanging open: “There’s NO WAY Apple would approve this – the characters are over the top and precisely the type of demo iPhone does NOT want to be associated with.”

Halfway through and I was still scanning the deck for some super-sophisticated, ultra-annoyed female archetype friend, aggravated and eye-rolling as she thumbs her Samsung Galaxy Note Edge – punchline, PLEASE! (Don’t you know the next big thing is already here?!)

Even after the rounds of shattering glass I held out hope that maybe, just MAYBE we’d be treated to the silky-smooth vocal styling’s of Cortana of Windows phone fame ( I’m using the term ‘fame’ as lightly as humanly possible here, you’ve got to EARN fame, baby).

“So should we eat?”

That’s a wrap and my plate’s stacked full with crow.

It WAS a pro-iPhone ad!

….why?!

Is it that the standard go-to format of feature-heavy demonstrations delivering intimate moments with the ones we love has completely played out or is it that selling on price always boils creativity down to the lowest form of brain-dead entertainment?

No woman thinks she’s like these women (even those women who are TOTALLY like these women) and I’m pretty sure no straight man would ever want to be within earshot of this boisterous BB-Q so who the heck is the ad trying to attract?

I’m out.

And speaking of being out...sorry for the long (unintended) sabbatical! 

I've been off solving all the world's biggest problems, or something like that.

Now that it is once again the most WONDERFUL time of the year, let's see if I can't be more diligent in spreading (read: sparing) the marketing holiday cheer! -DS :)

Who, What, and Why, T-Mobile?

Happy New Year, y’all.

Personally speaking, 2012 was one of the best years I’ve come across in a while; leaving some big shoes for 2013 to fill. The arrival of January always puts me in a bit of a funk – how is it only the 10^th?! I swear this year is off to an especially slow start. It’s been like trudging through thick, ankle-deep mud.

It goes without saying that I’ve been a bit uninspired as of late. In the world of Marketing and Advertising, nothing has really caught my attention.

And so I’ll pick on T-Mobile’s domestic strategy.

It's been bothering me for at least 6 months. I just don’t get it.

How did we go from this…

…to this?

And more importantly why?

The old ads were kitschy and cute; T-Mobile was the anti-establishment of mobile phone companies. Bright, fun, and non-threatening – if you were sick of dealing with the big guys T-Mobile was for you!

Speaking chronologically, I know it happened shortly after the merger with AT&T fell apart.

Maybe marketing at T-Mobile went on auto-pilot during the review process (I mean, you can’t rally against the big guys if you’ll soon be part of them, now can you?).

But speaking strategically!?

When AT&T-Mobile was found out not to be, T went back to the drawing board and kicked campaigning into high gear (literally).

This commercial is perhaps the worst of them all. That chant will get in your head and grate on your soul, I promise.

What’s the point of touting 4-G coverage when you can’t claim superiority over the competition?

"Largest." Do they just assume consumers naïve enough to ignore Verizon, AT&T, and Sprint’s take on 4-G? The new campaigns feel as though T-Mobile is the damaged ex-girlfriend, hell bent on showing the world she’s better off alone. She’s stronger, faster and out for mobile domination.

But how can you be out for blood when you’ve the least robust coverage and worst line up of smart phones? (STILL T-Mobile’s retail shelves sit hungry for iPhone).

Is the new attitude supposed to resonate with men?

Each commercial does feel like an animated spread for some G-rated version of Maxim magazine. But what macho guy wants to be caught walking into a store dripping in that hot, magenta pink?

Is the new attitude supposed to resonate with women?

Trading her simple pink dresses for black leather cat suits, something tells me our favorite T-Mobile heroine isn’t motivating any more of her lady brethren with motorcycle racing and dark alley strut-abouts.

Will someone clear the fog for me?

Who is T-Mobile trying to attract?
What is T-Mobile selling?
And Why is it a smart business move?

BONUS: In doing my (minimal) research, I re-discovered this gem from December 2011. It might just be my obsession with Christmas cheer, but THIS is the T-Mobile I loved. It just felt more genuine: